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Post by Mahn on Mar 21, 2010 13:08:44 GMT -6
Comments for The Legends posted here.
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Post by Sur Realis on Mar 21, 2010 15:10:30 GMT -6
You have a slight problem with switching tenses. You should always stick with the same main tense - the only exception being flashbacks from present tense.
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Post by Mahn on Mar 21, 2010 15:18:06 GMT -6
The tenses are correct to me. Chapter one shows the same thing happening from two different points of views at the same time and chapter two comes right after what happened in chapter one. I'll keep that in mind though.
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Post by Sur Realis on Mar 22, 2010 5:19:16 GMT -6
It wasn't the changing point of view that was the problem.
You were using present tense at first then switched suddenly to past tense. It was less of a problem in the second story.
Also...
There is almost never a use for second-person pronouns (you) in prose and literature.
Chapter 2 is a lot better. The only particular problem I can pick out is your use of auxiliary verbs. These are 'helper' verbs such as to be (was, will be, were...)
Instead of this, try...
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Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2010 20:56:17 GMT -6
lol <_< i feel like im back in english class. but omgeh kija shot mahs hamma <_>, sounds intresting so far o.o keep it up yea old timmerz ^^b, btw who else is gonan get added to da story  ? spoliers  ? |
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Post by Joker The Royale on Nov 11, 2010 10:18:42 GMT -6
Bloody fucking hell Blazer. Retype this please, using a language we can understand.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2010 16:56:27 GMT -6
pfft whats the point in having good spelling on the intranet <_>! bite me jokah =p btw eta on like... chapta 4 :3?
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? spoliers 
?
