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Post by lordphoenix on Sept 7, 2007 14:23:28 GMT -6
Chapter 1- A brief analysis of the history surrounding the adventurer known as LordPhoenix (Now with extra long title!)
One fantastically boring day, a young fellow of about 19 years happened upon a fantastically fantastic cure for his fantastically fantastic boredom: Godhood. That is to say, creating denizens for a fictional universe, who he would then sadistically force to carry out menial tasks (saving teh world from great evils, etc. etc.). With this intent weighing clear upon his mind, he opened a fantastically fantastic program known as Dream Seeker, his mouse primed for adventures to come in the world of Darlow. He was confronted with a deluge of choices, not least of which was the kingdom he would force his character to ally with. After perusing his options and finding that only one kingdom had an acceptable level of black power, LordPhoenix the Knight of Anara entered the world, and Nexus did not bring him to the holy light. His adventures began...
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Post by lordphoenix on Jan 5, 2008 23:22:37 GMT -6
Chapter 2: Holy crap, a story is updated!
The young Anaran opened his eyes. "Where am I, who are all these people, and why am I naked?" he demanded of the king before him. "Still your tongue, knave. This is Dainan, and these good, silent fellows you see before me are my royal court." "And again I ask, why am I naked?" "Beats me" the king replied. "Nexus yanks young ladies and men out of their homes, erasing their memories of the world in the process, and plunks them down in my throne room, naked, ready to set out and battle the chaotics that threaten Darlow." "That guy sounds a bit sadistic" muttered the knight. "You have no idea" the king said. "These matters are of no importance. You are to investigate the hunting grounds." "The hunting grounds?" the knight asked. "That is correct. The hunting grounds are the areas of the world where evil forces have gathered and kill all pure life that crosses in. These beasts, called chaotics, never venture outside of these strangely bordered areas, and your task is to find out why." the king revealed. "Sure, that's um, great and all, but, can I at least have some clothes, and my name?" asked the knight. "Your name is LordPhoenix. At least, the name LordPhoenix pops up in the edge of a person's vision for whatever odd reason whenever someone looks at you. You'll see it with the other investigators too, it's quite strange. Also, you came with 700 gold tucked in a place you'd rather not think about. Spend it in town to make yourself decent." "With pleasure, sire. I'll be on my way then." The young knight set off to town, and bought himself a fantastic (and modest) suit of leather armor, as well as a Middle Sword (because chicks don't dig a short sword). After discovering more fantastically mute individuals (takes a strange kind of person to carry out their fantastically mundane life without a word), and bungling through a fantastically well forested countryside, LordPhoenix arrived at the entrance of the first hunting grounds. The young knight charged in, ready for anything. Anything, that is, save an ambush from some fantastically large, fantastically purple ogres. These ogres were more than happy to begin clubbing him in the head and roaring utter gibberish with stupid grins on their faces. LordPhoenix was quickly battered down to the ground, and felt one final crash to the back of his skull from an ogre shouting something to the effect of "DUUURHAAAAAA!". Was this the most untimely end of our young hero??
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Post by lordphoenix on Jan 12, 2008 0:48:26 GMT -6
Chapter 3- Of second chances, performance enhancement, and improved readability
LordPhoenix awoke with a start, rubbing his eyes. He looked around the fantastically bland bed chamber he was in, confused, and suddenly remembered his smelly, loud death at the hands of the fantastically stupid, purple, grinning ogres. "Holy damn, heaven is quite oversold" he muttered as he looked about the all too familiar inn room. A voice in his head suddenly boomed some nonsense about being another victim of the chaos of the hunting grounds, and his restoration to life. "Well, that was odd... Wait a minute, I recognize that wolf head crest! What in the name ofGod Nexus am I doing in Dainan?" LordPhoenix hopped out of bed, feeling like a whole new lump of pixels, err.. person, and meandered out into the lobby. "Took a good beating today, did you?" the innkeeper "warmly greeted", with a fantastically stupid smile to do any ogre proud. "Indeed, did I not die?" LordPhoenix inquired. "Oh, yeah, you better believe you did. Thing is, Nexus likes to grant no reprieve to his 'fortunate' chosen. You will always mysteriously be restored to health on failing to kill what's killing you, so you can go back out, refreshed and ready to be trounced again." "Man, Nexus really is a sadistic bastard..." LordPhoenix muttered. "You have no idea" the innkeep replied.
LordPhoenix collected his thoughts, reconsidered, and again shut down his brain to the insanity of this world he had no recollection of. He instead decided that his efforts would be better spent on a nobler goal- the avenging death of everything large, purple, and club wielding. He set off into the hunting grounds to complete his task.
He managed to encounter hordes of imps, giant rats, and, of course, stupidly grinning ogres; all in small, manageable numbers. After killing said hordes, he felt a strange sensation. The creepy voice returned, telling him that he had gained a level. He didn't have to ponder the meaning of this all that long, for he felt/saw himself become instantly a bit more muscular, lithe, and alert. He also perked a bit intellectually, enough to figure out how to swing his sword in quite a deadly slash. He grinned at this sudden rush of power. Perhaps this screwy world had its perks after all. The young hero rushed off, blade in hand, to continue his adventures. The adventure of mass murdering more of ogre kind, of course.
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Post by lordphoenix on Feb 12, 2008 2:49:15 GMT -6
Chapter 4- The monster mash and the further broken fourth wall
LordPhoenix spent a good hour or two out in the plains and forests, mauling tigers, ogres, and wolves, oh my! He had gained another 2 levels and was feeling a bit more sure of himself in this strange restrictive yet free world. As he was wandering about in the forest, muttering something about how he would ever clean off all that tiger blood, and trying to determine the best scary face to make an imp shit its trousers, he happened upon a fellow group of adventurers. "Hey, we're gonna get the mark, u comming along???" a rather impatient black belt demanded. "The mark? Uh, I suppose that maybe.." "Great! We'll go with you!" the black belt replied and eagerly jumped into rank behind LordPhoenix, along with his friends. "Okay" Phoenix said with a slight degree of exasperation "now what?" The black belt frowned. "You don't know the area, do you? Make me party leader, you newbie." LordPhoenix considered offering a retort, but instead contented himself letting the black belt take the front rank, and devising wonderfully ghoulish thoughts of said black belt's death at the hands of innumerable chaotics.
The party traipsed along until eventually encountering a fantastically unoriginal ruined town filled with fantastically unoriginal undead creatures that don't merit much of a fantastic description. Go watch any 1960s zombie/ghost flick and you're set in this department. They took a staircase down into a rather inexplicable underground labyrinth (perhaps a shelter that did not prove very trustworthy, if the surrounding crumbled walls and shambling undead were any indication). Snaking their way through the passages in a perfect single file line that LordPhoenix could neither comprehend nor resist walking in, they came into a room at the back with a fantastically healthy looking clock on the wall.
His traveling companions had other goals in mind, so the frisky black belt said "talk to that clock, and the blue thing will take you back outside" then ejected him from the party and ran off to parts unknown. LordPhoenix didn't bother trying to reason out why he should speak to a clock, as he knew better by now than to ask questions about this most surreal setting he lived in. He approached the clock and offered a casual hello, when a booming voice rang out "THE CLOCK IS STILL TICKING EVEN THOUGH IT HAS BEEN UNATTENDED FOR SOME TIME..." LordPhoenix nearly crapped his armor. A smell then told him there was no nearly about it. "Holy shit, are you go... err, Nexus?" "CLOSE ENOUGH FOR YOU, LITTLE ARMOR DEFILING KNIGHT. I AM THE NARRATOR." "Uh, okay... pleased to meet you, I guess." "CHARMED. AHEM. THE CLOCK IS STILL TICKING EVEN THOUGH IT HAS BEEN UNATTENDED FOR SOME TIME. WILL YOU SEARCH IT?" "I thought I was talking to it..." "WILL YOU SEARCH IT??" "I'm not entirely sure I'm comfortable with..." "SEARCH THE NEXUS DAMNED CLOCK, AND DO IT NOW!!!" LordPhoenix was totally compliant at this change of tone, and searched the inside of the strange timepiece. "MUCH BETTER. THE CLOCK BEGINS TO GLOW A BRIGHT GREEN AS YOU SEARCH IT. LOOKING DOWN, YOU HAVE THE MARK OF DAINARA ON YOUR PALM. YOU HAVE RECIEVED 100 EXPERIENCE POINTS." These 100 points proved enough for a level up, but LP was still unsure of what to do. "What now, mr. narrator?" "LEAVE THIS PLACE AT ONCE, AND NEVER CALL OUT TO ME AGAIN!! CROSS THE DESERT OR SOMETHING!"
LP was more than happy to comply with this new order as well, at least the part about getting out of that musty hole of filth and flesh eating monstrosities. He found himself on the surface of the town, which he exited out of and peered out over the desert looming before him. It was severely hot, and he saw huge centipedes with frothy maws burrowing about and screeching angrily. For once, he embraced good logical thought, as good logical though told him to say screw it and to go get trashed instead. LordPhoenix skipped back to town with a pocket full of gold for new weapons, and more importantly; sweet, sweet booze.
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Post by lordphoenix on Jul 13, 2008 12:37:17 GMT -6
Chapter 5- A story is updated and a cathedral defiledLordPhoenix awoke groggily in a dainan inn bed, smelling of cheap perfume, booze, and human pubis. A crumpled parchment in his hand proclaimed "looking for a good time? Call Wild Rose, the white mage who will cure ALL that ails you ". LordPhoenix rubbed his head and looked at his character tab. "Phew, 12 gold and 0 mp, what the HELL did I do last night?" He quickly shook off the pounding headache best as he could and stumbled out into the unfortunately bright street of dainan town. A nearby guard noticed a mark on LordPhoenix's hand and rushed to him. "I see you have acquired right of passage into vallatio's sanctum." "Vallatio? Isn't that a sex position or something? Are you hitting on me?" LordPhoenix asked the nosy guard. "No, vallatio is one of the chaotic leaders who influences the hunting patterns of the beasts. Bearing that mark, you should now set across the desert of south kreland, and pass throught the forests and rivers to the once pristine cathedral he now defiles." "Oh dear god, not the desert. Hmmph, whatever." LordPhoenix set south across the borders of safety and began his journey through the desert. The flesh eating frothy mauled overgrown worms hadn't gotten any more civilized while he had been on his binge drinking hiatus, and more than once he found himself weighed down by deadly toxins and inept traveling companions. Finally he reached what appeared to be the described cathedral. He stepped through the gates, and being that it was nearing dusk, decided to camp in the courtyard. He rolled over for a nights sleep, ready to kick more chaotic ass another day, and missing the prostitutes and alcohol. "What the hell am I doing wrapped up in this..." he griped as he dropped off to bed.
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