FFHG's Talk Show

[Bolt]

This is going to be an oddball of a story. Its going to be like a talk show. The person doing the interviews will talk with a well known FFHG player. If you would like to be interviewed send me a pm, how your character would act, and a list of things to avoid. Until I choose to be the interviewer I'll be putting the name as Jill. If you want to be interviewed or be the interviewer let me know through a PM. All I require for an interviewer/interviewee are: Name, Class, Which Icon, Personality, and anything else you want to add personally.
Lets start the show!

Jill: Welcome all to our show tonight. You will be seeing live interviews with some of the world's greatest warriors. They have all made their way back from the Pits of Pain! That places sounds...painful! Tonight's guest is famous for his speed. He can run from this bar all the way to the castle, steal anything that isn't nailed down, and be back here before I say his name. Tonight's guest is The King of Thieves! Ladies and gentlemen give it up for Bolt!

*crowd applauds*

Bolt: Thank you, thank you. So hows the show running Jill?

Jill: Swell, swell. You're the first guest on here you know that right?

Bolt: I am? Figured this had been going on for awhile.

Jill: Yeah well can't always be right. So hows the whole Running Business coming along? People must love your speed to help train in the...whats the short name for Pits of Pain you guys use?

Bolt: PoP. Shouldn't of been that hard to figure out. You're a host for christ sakes!

Jill: Yeah well you can't...I just said that. Anyway you never answered my question.

Bolt: Business is poor. People don't like my prices. Its within reason! Its only a simple 300 gold for a trip down to the lower sections of PoP. Guess I should stop charging. People seem to always get annoyed with it. I need to make a living somehow right?

U. dye: Oh shut up Bolt!

Bolt: Just because I'm not a blood thirsty manic like you doesn't mean thats the only way of living! I've ran you from place to place HOW many times?

U. Dye: Don't make me come up there!

Bolt: Bring it! I can just st--Oh crap!

*U. Dye proceeds onto the stage with his sword drawn and chases Bolt off*

Jill: Well...can't say I didn't see that one coming. (Yo do we have time for another guest? We do? Send them on!) Well I guess he didn't lie about his speed. By god how is Dye managing to keep up with him? Oh well they'll be fine. Now its time to welcome out next guest. Err can't call him since that guest just chased our previous one out of the building. So the guest AFTER U. Dye is his trusty white mage, Rose!

*crowd applauds as Rose comes onto the stage*

Jill: Welcome to the show Rose.

Rose: Thank you. I was supposed to bring my partner up here but..well you saw what happened.

Jill: Yes we did. Now we all are most likely wondering, how do you keep up with someone who is that blood thirsty?

Rose: Not that hard really. He just slaughters things and I keep him healed. Its not that hard of a job. Expect when I happen to be the only whitemage in the group. Then it gets out of hand. Like this one time in a battle Jumin's partner Celeste got hit by the spell Rub at the beginning of the fight and I was stuck healing the rest of us alone! You know how hard it is to keep that much concentration? Well not really that hard. It just gets annoying having to keep everyone alive while keeping myself from being killed. People tend to rely on me....

*Rose continues to rant for 20 minutes*

Rose: And thats how you keep a party alive in the heat of battle!

Jill: Wow. I didn't think it was that hard to heal people. Well thank you for your time!

Rose: My pleasure! Bye bye.

Jill: Cya. And thank all of you for coming to this week's Talk Show. Who will we have next week? The blood thirsty U. Dye? The silent Kija? The wielder of the Ban Hammer Mahn? The devilish blackmage Jumin? Who knows! I don't since my contract doesn't cover that much. See you all next time!

EDIT: If you guys think I should make it into a comic let me know to. It'd probally work better that way.

[Bolt]

Talk Show Episode 2: The Legendary Thieves

Bolt: Welcome back to the second Talk Show. I am the new host, The King of Thieves Bolt! Why am I the new host? Jill was found getting high on some opium laced high potions. Now today's show is a controversial one. Today we have two of the Legendary Thieves, myself being a third, here on the show! Our first guest today is Erb, my right hand man! Come on out Erb!

*Erb comes out of hide on the chair next to Bolt's desk*

Bolt: Didn't I tell you NOT to do that?

Erb: Couldn't resist. So lets get this conversation started I got a boot in the oven and I need to check it soon.

Bolt: A boot in the...nevermind. So first question, how does it feel to be the slowest thief in PoP?

U. Dye: Yo mama's slow!

Bolt: Thought I said to keep him outta here!

U. Dye: You couldn't keep a fly outta here!

Bolt: That doesn't even make sense!

Erb: Uhh aren't you supposed to be talking to me? It doesn't feel too bad. At least I could beat you in an arm wrestling match.

Bolt: True that is. So how did you become to be the right hand man of The King Of Thieves?

Erb: Thats easy. I was the only other thief around!

Bolt: Right you are! Now before I ask anymore questions I'll bring out our next guest! She is known around as Master Instigator. He questions everything and is a jackass doing so. She also claims to be the new "King of Thieves"! Ladies and Gentlemen, boo on our next guest Sur Realis!

*Everyone boos and throws shoes as Realis walks onto the stage*

Realis: Bolt you're an ass****. Wait was that censored? When the hell did you become so censored?

Bolt: When I got a complain about U. Dye chasing me out of here last show. Seriously parents these days want to complain about anything.

U. Dye: You ran like a bitch too!

Bolt: Hey bite me!

Realis: Oh so HE isn't censored? What the ****! Oh come on! Give me the controls you piece of shit!

*The camera falls over as Realis tackles the camera man*

Bolt: This is why I called him a jackass. Oh well onto other matters, why do you claim you're my replacement as the King Thief?

Realis: You're washed up! Finished! Old school! The world is changing and you need to retire! The spotlight is mine! Mine! And I'll even take you out! Now die you bastard!

*Realis gets off the cameraman and jumps over Bolt's desk and gets into a fight*

Erb: Welp...Guess I'll keep the show going. While these two kick each other's ass I'm making an announcement. I hereby name myself the new King of Thieves!

Bolt & Realis: Like hell you are!

*Realis and Bolt pull Erb behind the desk and the three get into a bigger fist fight*

U. Dye: Knew you were a bitch!

Bolt: Dye you can kiss my--woah no low blows!

Erb: I wonder if my boot is done...Oh hey Bolt's Gold! Nom Nom Nom!

Bolt: Oh that is it!

Erb: I was hungry! You're keeping me from my boots!

*A random civilian comes in shouting something*

Civilian: Erb your house is on fire! We need help putting it out!

Erb: No my pudding! And boots!

*Erb leaves the fight and runs out for his house. Both Realis and Bolt dust themselves off and sit back down*

Bolt: Sorry about that folks. Welp turn in next time for another episode of FFHG's Talk Show! I'm your host Bolt, The King of Thie--holy shit!

Realis: The title is mine! Rawr!

*Realis jumps back over the desk and begins beating Bolt to a pulp. The show fades as security begins dragging Bolt away and hauling Realis to jail.*

[Erb]

Boots are manly food! Who needs biscuits when you got leftover boots! XD

[Sur Realis]

Aww you lurvs me so much to include me as a legendary thief. <3

[Bolt]

Realis I did that just to humor you really. Erb and I are the Legendary Thieves. I just put you in there just because.

Talk Show Episode 3

Bolt: Hello ladies and gents. As you saw in the last episode I got beatten to a bloody pulp. Well luckily the Whitemage on Standby were ready incase it got out of hand.

U. Dye: Knew you'd get your ass kicked someday!

Bolt: God damn it Dye the show hasn't even started yet! Anyway...Tonights guests are a few that...Oh screw it bring them out. And bring me some coffee.

*Looking cowards the guest entrance an explosion occurs and a blackmage, whitemage, and redmage are blown onto the stage*

Bolt: Will you people make a NORMAL entrance for once? Anyway I guess I outta introduce these people. Jumin, Celeste, and Firemaster.

Dark Dragon (offstage): Yo are they ok? Jumin said do somethin funny and he nuked himself.

Bolt: Its fine. Are you three ok?

Firemaster: He is never allowed to do that inside a city again. Or I'll roast him instead.

Celeste: And I thought his burrito aftermath was bad.

Jumin: Oh ha ha to the both of ya. Don't make me nuke you too!

Bolt: God damn it...Hey who put them on the guest list? I mean come on!

*Bolt gets out of his seat and walks offstage. Loud thud sounds are heard offstage as Dark Dragon walks out*

DD: Well while Bolt goes on a rampage I'll take his spot. He never could keep himself under control.

U. Dye: Thats what she said!

*DD sets U. Dye on fire*

DD: You forget I can do that right? Anyway lets get started. We have three of the most power people in this room, and if I'm not mistaken, the strongest Blackmage and Redmage. Sorry Celeste but I think Rose has you beat...for...oh crap.

*U. Dye comes running on stage, both on fire and with his sword out*

DD: Oh shit. Someone put him out!

*Jumin casts Stop on U. Dye and U. Dye is frozen on stage*

DD: Ok someone take him backstage. Jeez no wonder I got the backstage job. Anyway answer the question.

Jumin: Well people fear me, never a good sign, and I can't really sleep much since I end up Nuking the whole Inn or surrounding area in my sleep. Hell even the chaotics are beginning to fear me!

DD: And U. Dye will die someday to overkilling. So Foremaster, how is it being an albino Redmage that...casts fire? Doesn't that contradict itself in a way?

Firemaster: Well you got a point there. Never noticed that the fire spells were hurting me in the end. Oh well. Its great being one of the most powerful Redmages alive. Rand of the Brotherhood inspired me to be a Redmage and I've loved it ever sense. I just never got the shoelace spell down. I'm irritated by that.

DD: Thats a spell? Thought it was a joke.

[size=1]Rand: No its a true spell see![/size]

*Rand ties Firemaster's shoes from the audience*

DD: Well I'll be damned. so Celeste how is it being a---Oh shit.

*Bolt comes running form back stage with U. Dye in pursuit. U. Dye looks at DD and points his sword making a cut throat sign*

DD: Looks like I gotta go! See you all next time on FFHG's Talk Show! Wait for me you bastard!

*Bolt and DD run out of the studio with U. Dye giving chase*

Celeste: Hey I didn't even get--

*Camera shuts off and everyone begins leaving as Celeste begins to speak*

[Sur Realis]

Jan 17, 2009 20:54:26 GMT -6 Bolt said:

Realis I did that just to humor you really. Erb and I are the Legendary Thieves. I just put you in there just because.

Pfft, whatever. I'm totally legendary.

[Bolt]

Bolt: Sorry for the delay of this episode. We had to get the Brotherhood to tie U. Dye down with chains so I could host this tonight.

U. Dye: Can't tie me down asshole!

Bolt: Oh you gotta be kidding me. I thought you were chained to the tip of the BH tower?!?

U. Dye: Nothin can stop me bitch! Nothing!

Bolt: Besides your own ego. Anyway...*looks at note card* You can't expect me to read this! There are children out there!

Director: Read it or you're fired!

Bolt: Fine...Theres a stupid advertisement for the Strip Club down the street. Appearently its its Grand Opening and tonight...is...free...Oh hell no you people better stay here!

*All the men run out of the building leaving some women and a few small children*

Bolt: You gotta be kidding me... Seriously did they cut our budget?

Dark Dragon: I guess so. You know how things are, you pull in little viewers the first few times then you get no chance. Its like a friggen...friggen...Whats the word?

Bolt: Hell if I know.

U. Dye: You can interview me now!

Bolt: Like I have a---

*Show goes off air as a message appears*

Please Stand by for Technical Difficulties

[Bolt]

Bolt: Good evening folks. Tonight won't be a talk show, but a news coverage. Now if you remember last episode we got a message that said a a Strip Club opened up near the studio. Well Heres the thing, U. Dye went on a rampage when he saw his partner in slaying, Rose, being forced to dance. We go live to the scene, since I ran like hell to get out of there.

*The camera changes to DD, whos at the scene*

DD: Jesus christ man you were smart to get out of here. U. Dye is killing anyone who he can get within his sword's reach. The town is on fire. By god I didn't think a man's arm could bend that way!

Bolt: Aren't the guards trying to stop him?

DD: Try? More like they hightailed it outta here. Hell some of the ToTE fighters even came here to help stop him. Had to drag them away. The dragoons never came down either....I think they just jumped and hightailed it themselves.

Bolt: Jesus. How many casualties?

DD: Man I'd have to say-- Oh shit he got Greg! And hes head over here! Run Jeff run!

Jeff: I didn't sigh up for this bullsh--AHH!

*As DD and Jeff run Jeff gets impailed by U. Dye's thrown sword*

DD: Ahh this is crazy. I'll see you back at the stupid Bolt!

*Screen goes back to Bolt*

Bolt: Well there you have it ladies and gentlemen, U. Dye finally snapped. Will he be stopped? Hell I think that guy will keep going until he either loses both arms or his head. Well folks, I think I'ma get the hell outta here before he shows up. Folks int he audience I advise you, stay FAR away from--

*The door crashes down as U. Dye steps over a couple corpses*

U. Dye: Ohhh I was looking for you Bolt. Now you can feel pain like the rest

Bolt: Well...shit. Run Jose run! You too Gwen!

Jose: Si! Si--gah!

*Jose gets impailed by U. Dye's sword as Bolt and Gwen run*

*U. Dye picks up a camera and looks into it*

U. Dye: Good evening folks. I'm U. Dye. Tonight you saw me slaughter hundreds of people. Now I'm going to finish off this studio. Oh and if you're a camera man I suggest running. You won't live long. Good night folks, cause now I got a theif to kill.